Almost 2 weeks ago we had our 20 week ultrasound for the baby. We went to the appointment expecting it to go like Sean's had, but it didn't... The sonographer found a mass on the top of the baby's head. She didn't know what it was, so we were sent to a speicialist. Thankfully, they could take us that afternoon. The sonographer at my OB's office said that it wasn't cancer or anything like that, but was probably something that would need to be removed after the baby was born. We left there concerned, but hopeful that it was something minor.
At the specialist's office, the sonographer couldn't find the mass and couldn't replicate what the former had found. After she had given up and talked through a couple of things it could have been, the doctor came in. He looked for a long time, and was about to send us home, when he found it too. I had been hoping and praying that it was never there in the first place. It was hard to locate because the baby was lying in such a way to hide it well.
The doctor told us it was something called encephalocele. This is is a rare disorder in which the bones of the skull do not close completely, creating a gap through which cerebral spinal fluid, brain tissue and the membrane that covers the brain can protrude into a sac-like formation, or "bump". The doctor started talking about complications and pediatric neurosurgeons, and I lost it. Right now we don't know very much and we won't know more till we go back and get another ultrasound to see if the mass has changed. Best case scenario, it is still small and hasn't changed size or shape. Even in that situation, the baby will have to have it removed.
We left there feeling scared and unsure of what lay ahead of us. As we began telling family and close friends, we were surrounded by love and support and the promise of unceasing prayer. Since then, we have began to feel peace, a peace that only comes from God. Austin and I both feel like God has comforted us over and over again in his Word and through the people he has placed in our lives. This doesn't mean that we don't have dark moments or dark days, just that God offers us his peace through those times.
We are praying desperately for a miracle, but we also know that God is knitting this baby perfectly together in my womb and he specifically chose us as his parents. We know that God is compassionate and hears our prayers, and has mercy on us in times of suffering. This doesn't necessarily mean that he will take away the suffering, but He won't let us go through this alone.
We decided that when we picked the baby's name that we wouldn't keep it a secret like we did with Sean. We wanted people to pray for him by name. The day we found out we were having a boy Austin suggested the name Joshua, along with a few others. Joshua really stuck out to me. I had pretty much decided that his name was going to be Joshua, and was trying to get Austin to commit. We talked about it one evening, and Austin said we would talk about it some more and make a decision the next day. That next morning, he read in his Bible about Joshua. The first thing Austin read was God commissioning Joshua and telling him to be "strong and courageous". He tells Joshua this over and over again, reminding him not to be afraid. That was what Austin had always prayed over Sean and had begun praying over this baby as well, not realizing it was from Joshua. Needless to say, Austin was then sold on the name, and we made it official.
We are so thankful for all of the people who are praying for us and for Joshua. We have been so encouraged knowing there is an army praying for our little boy. A good friend of mine sent me the video for the song "Blessings" by Laura Story the day after we found out. She had heard it on the radio and thought of us. My dad also heard it recently and sent me the lyrics this morning. I love the honesty in these lyrics, and the reminder of God's mercies on us.
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
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