Joshua's Birth Story

Photo by Shutter Sweet Photography

It has taken me a long time to get around to writing this out. Joshua's birth was so different from Sean's in pretty much every way possible, and it took awhile for me to be okay with that.

Joshua was born Friday September 23rd. This was the date we had scheduled the c-section, even though for several nights that week I laid in bed timing contractions and expecting him to come early. I couldn't sleep the night before he was born. I had so much on my mind. I was excited about meeting my baby, nervous about the surgery, and we were uncertain about Joshua's health. I tossed and turned from about 2:30 on and finally got up around 4. I was supposed to be at the hospital around 5am for my 7am surgery.

We got checked into the hospital and made our way to pre-op. I was trying to stay upbeat and not focus on my fears as the pre-op team did their job. We knew our life was going to change with the addition of a new baby, we just didn't know if he was going to have some serious health problems.

Just after 7 the the nurses wheeled me down the hall to the OR. After I was set up for the surgery, they brought Austin in. I felt so much better when he was by my side, but my vitals didn't reflect that. My anesthesiologist kept telling me to relax because my heart was racing, but that was much easier said than done. At 7:33 Joshua was born. He weighed 6 lbs 13 oz, which was a relief after all the worry over his weight. I could see them carry him over to the warming station to check him out, and I could hear him crying. I could see a small bump on the back of his head which we knew would be there, but it was not very big at all. After what felt like an eternity, they brought him over to me so I could see him. He had been screaming, but as soon as they brought him over he stopped crying. This melted my heart, and I just wanted to hold him, but I couldn't because my arms were strapped down. After just a few minutes, he was taken to the NICU at the hospital to get checked out and Austin went with him while I was taken to recovery.

I felt like I waited in the recovery room for a long time. I still didn't know much about how Joshua was doing, but Austin had gone with Joshua so he was taking pictures and videos of his first few moments for me since I couldn't be with him. After I was released from recovery, I was taken to my room where my family and Austin were waiting for me. I found out that Joshua was doing good and that he was going to be transported to Children's Healthcare of Atlanta for an MRI so the neurosurgeon could asses his situation. Thankfully, the transport team brought Joshua by my room so I could see him again before he left, but he was all loaded up so I couldn't hold him.

The MRI was done that day, but I found out after he left that when a baby leaves the hospital to go to the NICU at CHOA they don't usually come back to the hospital. This was devastating news because all I wanted was to hold and snuggle my little boy and I couldn't. I found out later that I could get a pass to leave the hospital Saturday for a few hours if I was up to it to go see Joshua, and there was nothing that was going to keep me from seeing him. Waiting till the next day was awful, it hurt to not be with him. I don't know any way to describe the ache and pull on my heart to be with my baby.

On Saturday I got to go see Joshua, and I was so excited I could barely sleep. When I finally got to hold him, my world finally felt like it was coming back together. We found out that the neurosurgeon wanted to do surgery on Monday morning and that the MRI looked normal. He expected the surgery to be pretty straight forward, and he kept telling us that the only long term effect he should have would be a scar that his hair would grow over. This was such an answer to our prayers! We felt such relief when we found this out and were so thankful for all the people who had been praying for us and encouraging us.

On Monday we waited for Joshua to go into surgery and since I was still recovering from surgery myself I couldn't go wait at CHOA. I went first thing that morning to see him before he had surgery and then went back to my room till he came out. Austin stayed with Joshua as much as he could and called as soon as Joshua was out of surgery. Everything had gone as they had expected, and he was doing really well.

I was released from the hospital on Tuesday and as much as I wanted to home, it was so hard leaving Joshua. We weren't sure when Joshua would be able to come home. He was doing really well but had a little bit of jaundice, so we had to wait for his numbers to come down. His numbers were looking better by Wednesday, and we found out that he would be able to come home Thursday. I couldn't believe how well he was doing, and that he would be coming home a few days after brain surgery. The nurses kept telling us how rare it was for a baby to spend less than a week in NICU, and I was so thankful he was coming home. My heart broke for the other families who had been doing this for weeks or even months. I don't know how I would have handled that.

When Joshua was allowed to go home, I was so excited to have my whole family under one roof again and I couldn't wait for Sean to meet Joshua. Sean did so well with him and instantly starting kissing him and calling him baby. Sean has continued to adore his baby brother, and does really well with him. He hasn't really been jealous and usually is excited to see or hold Joshua.

That week feels like lifetime ago now, and I'm kind of glad some time has passed. It was such an emotionally traumatic week for me and has taken a while for me to wrap my head around all that Joshua went through in his first few day of life. I am so thankful for my precious little boy and I would do the whole thing over in a heartbeat for him. We are so blessed to have a healthy baby boy and thank God that He was carrying us through and never left us.